Fail e-mails for the lulz

I just got home and opened up my e-mail to find an anonymously sent message that reads thus:

(LANGUAGE WARNING)

fuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastardfuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastard

fuck you you ausi bastard

Not only does this loser not have the balls to send a proper e-mail (instead choosing to hide), he also still fails at typing properly. I wonder who this is?

Let me clear up some things while I’m here:

1 ) It’s spelled ‘Aussie’. That’s one count of fail.

2 ) I’m not Australian in the first place. I was born in England. I’m not going to reveal my heritage, but that’s besides the point. That’s two counts of fail.

3 ) I’m not a bastard. I was conceived within wedlock. That’s three counts of fail.

4 ) You should learn how to use your space bar once in a while. That’s four counts of fail.

5 ) You should also learn how to use your comma key. That’s five counts of fail.

6 ) If you attempted to create a wall of text, you failed miserably. That’s six counts of fail.

7 ) If this was supposed to be threatening/annoying, I would have expected more death threats and a larger quantity of e-mails. That’s seven counts of fail.

8 ) Only retards play race cards when throwing insults. That’s eight counts of fail.

9 ) It also occurred to me that you should probably learn how to use your shift key, amongst most of the other buttons on your keyboard. That’s nine counts of fail.

10 ) If you meant ‘bastard’ as in ‘a spiteful/unpleasant male’, then you’d be wrong there too. I do not go out of my way to be unpleasant/spiteful, you just happened to fall across my path being the mouth breathing dumbfuck you are. That’s ten counts of fail.

11 ) I can’t think of anything else to put here, so I’ll just say you fail at life to complete the circle. Full stop.

EDIT: wow, I’m getting more as we speak:

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shitEat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shit

Eat your mother’s shit

At least this time around, he didn’t fail as epically as the first attempt (still needs moar space bar action, though).

EDIT2: oh, another:

Fuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck youFuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck you

Fuck youFuck you

Fuck you

Fuck you

Aren’t we getting bored, yet?

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10 Responses to Fail e-mails for the lulz

  1. kureshii says:

    Whoa, he got the apostrophe right o_O

    He should try to vary his vocabulary though.

    Poor psyren… I hope a useable fail filter pops out from sourceforge in time. Such a fail filter should be made mandatory on every mail server, and the following autoreply will be sent to all senders of failmails.

    FAIL DAEMON DELIVERY REPORT

    Your message could not be delivered because it was deemed as utter FAIL. Your email account has been locked and all usage privileges have been suspended. Please prepare a gift of cookies and contact your mail server administrator for assistance.

  2. Southrop says:

    Haha. These emails are indeed fail. Anonymously sent email, huh. Maybe we should try to track them and send our own messages back? xD

  3. psyren says:

    I tried looking at the message headers, but they all come from Italian anonymous mail servers. No luck there.

  4. iindigo says:

    Wow, those emails are just brimming with the very essence of maturity. If I received them, their effectiveness would make me feel so bad that I’d run out in traffic or kill myself through drinking 40 gallons of coffee.

    /sarcasm

  5. HikariSama says:

    lol… talk about epic fails… ^^”

  6. peebs says:

    That’s so sad and pathetic. This person has gone from parentage to scat to raep. What’s next, water sports? Poor thing.

  7. thedarkoneaox says:

    Man for stuff like this I wish I was a genius, so I could event the wackaidiot(yeah I know I put it all together). I would give you the option to push 4 keys on your keyboard, and once you do a message is sent to 10 admin for the system all over the world and if 8 out of 10 deem the person to be indeed an idiot next time they log on to their computer and try something stupid again a fist pops out their monitor and plucks them in the forehead.

  8. Stolen1101 says:

    /*This is for all you C++ programmers out there who feel the pain of annoying gay spam*/
    //s’cuse the comment if the spacing FAILS
    if (emailIQ < IQofrock)
    {
    ban(IP, *IP);
    goto house;
    kick(users, ass);
    ++numberofidiotsintheworld;
    return THEBANHAMMER;
    }
    else
    {
    smile();//because someone has something to actually say
    return satisfaction;
    }

  9. Pingback: Guitar Hero + EPIC REACTIONS!!1 (Part 2) [Part 3 in Description] | Guitar Hero 3

  10. Soryon says:

    If those replies are unedited then holy fuck, that is gold.

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