Staff Tree, v2

Some time ago, an outside contractor produced her vision of the staff family tree.  Due to the changes that have happened since then, we thought we’d give you an updated look into the relationships that shape BakaBT.

A little hard to read? Well, we have a little explanation for each.

BOX – Deceased Creator

Original creator. Has since passed on. We attribute it to the Cotton Drifting Festival.

Mad Hatter – The First Female

Appeared one day. Added to staff for an unknown reason. Most likely used her charm to seduce the admins. Gained a spot in the family tree.

Jarudin – Second Hokage

Added to staff for unknown reason. Maybe for his coding ability. This is yet to be shown. Took over after the disappearance of BOX. Married Malus to help him. Still in leadership to this day though has many minions children to do his bidding.

Malus – Madara Uchiha

After agreeing to work together with Jarudin to create Konohagakure BakaBT, Malus grew tired of Jarudin and his treacherous ways and wished for something more in his life. He procured the services of a mistress in the form of Duki. There are 2 theories over why Malus is no longer with us. Number 1 is he presumably fought with Jarudin for control but lost and was forced to leave the village staff. Number 2 is he was the victim of last year’s Cotton Drifting Festival. As to why he was originally added to staff… reasons are unknown… maybe it was because of that cool skull avatar.

MTR – The Creepy Uncle

We all have one. That creepy uncle that you know never to leave the kids around. Brother of Malus and added to staff for some unknown reason. Perhaps to acquire loli for the rest of us. Shows up to do work then runs off before any sign of commitment to anyone/thing over the age of 14.

Force –  The Server

Not actually a person. Merely the name we gave the server. Unfortunately we gave him intelligence and as such Skynet Force refuses to let anyone get close to him and fixes any problems himself before going back into slumber but keeping 1 eye open and always watching us. Added as staff for an unknown reason. Probably due to the threat of world destruction.

Nazo – Ojii-san

He just makes sure Force doesn’t go on a killing spree. Doesn’t do too much around the site these days but stays around to proclaim himself greater than all new staff and so that he may feel big somewhere. Added to staff for an unknown reason though intelligence leads us to believe Jedi mind tricks.

dubkatz – The Disappearing Cat

Staff’s Australian pet. Pretends to be doing something but really is just sleeping on the back of the couch or on the floor in the sun. Returns sometimes to do work or when he is feeling hungry but often just disappears again shortly after. Nobody knows why he was added to staff. Maybe it has to do with BOX wanting a pet cat but not wanting to buy cat food.

Duki – Third Hokage

With Malus now forced to leave Jarudin took up Malus’ mistress, Duki, as his bride. Often whipping him or scolding him just to spite Malus, Duki has developed an affection for the pain and a wrist for the whip. Only knowing how to command through torture he mercilessly reigns over anyone who is below him. By the time of Duki’s marriage though he already had 2 children outside of wedlock, however Jarudin was nice enough to accept them. Added to staff for unknown reasons except to maybe satisfy Jarudin’s wishes for his wife back.

Lan – The Pianist

Who cares about Lan anyway? Nobody knows why he was added to staff. >_>

MarchHare – The Imouto

MarchHare was the smallest, the cutest and the best little imouto the staff could want. Like a good imouto she cleaned up after her all he Onii-chans, except for Creepy Uncle, and was perfect in every way cooking us meals, giving us baths and making sure we were at school on time. Immortal in age she has since ventured into the world to find the true meaning of an imouto and will later return for hot incest love. Addition to staff is unknown but likely due to overwhelming moe/kawaii.

AJ – The Eldest Onii-chan

Why he was added to staff is unknown though it may have something to do with his links to anime. Like any eldest onii-chan AJ is mature and quiet. He works out in the world and returns to check up on us to make sure nothing is wrong. He is such a caring aniki.

Psyren – The Legendary Banchou / God Almighty

Second eldest and always in the shadow of his older brother Psyren made a name for himself by being the rebellious one. Self proclaimed God Almighty he was added to staff for an unknown reason. He wooed half the community with his bad boy attitude and was hated by the other half. He is currently frozen in ice for eternity as punishment for his banchou actions though some believe he was really on the side of good.

kureshii – Onee-sama!!

Kureshii was the eldest female of the Malus x Jarudin relationship. Due to this much of the community has developed the habit of calling her Onee-sama. If there was a problem she would help you out. Added to staff for an unknown reason however sources indicate it may be because of her ability to fix up the Wiki. Was later removed from staff when discovered she was a trap.

Chiyachan – Gender Undisclosed

Added to staff for an unknown reason Chiya is a mixture of her older brother and creepy uncle. Having a fetish for small children and another fetish for tricking and trolling those who weren’t Chiya was a deadly little imouto. Removed from staff after her yandereness when too far Chiya was later re-added for unknown reasons. Chiya claims he is male however we all know better than that.

newy – The Illegitimate Child

Child of Lan nobody really cares about newy. Added to staff for some unknown reason newy breaks everything he touches and causes more trouble than he is worth. It is believed this may become moe if he wears a maid cosplay and grows his hair longer.

blubart – MarchHare’s Legacy

Became staff for an unknown reason but probably due his eagerness to report everything and anything. Blubart came to us and told us that MarchHare had sent him. Simply hearing our imouto’s name made us like him immediately but his ability to work proved it to us. Blubart accounts for most of the work from the staff these days however does not indulge in the activities that his parent did which makes many staff rather sad.

Xiong Chiamiov – Jaru’s Bitch

Added to staff for reasons unknown. Probably to spite Malus and Duki. Xiong was found begging for money to feed his 2 younger brothers, orphans for a reason undisclosed. Jarudin took pity in young Xiong and took him home with him. Xiong was later made into Jarudin’s bitch and forced to take it whenever he was angry at Duki and Malus’ relationship. Duki and Xiong are currently, and for that matter have always been arch-nemesis as Duki sees Xiong as a threat to society.

Arveene – The Lazy One

He is lazy. Claims himself to be staff but hasn’t done anything staff worthy in months. He used to be cool. It is assumed this is why he was added to staff however this is unconfirmed. Arveene has also hinted he enjoys Yaoi in big capital letters. With the Yaoi market being in trouble considering the recent events and the Tokyo manga ban, sources believe that he sold his parents to accommodate his quite pricey lifestyle now, though this is unconfirmed.

Southrop – The Shota

Currently the youngest of staff. Added for unknown reasons. Possibly for the fact he is probably the best translator in staff however this is unconfirmed. He is cute and adorable like MarchHare and everyone wants to take care of him. Well known amongst staff for his ability to revive ghosts that violate him in the night. Everyone picks on Southrop but we still love him though we wish he serviced us like our Imouto did.

Enzedder – The Incomprehensible Australian

Claims to be from New Zealand but living in Australia, however, we know best. Added to staff for an unknown reason. Seems to act like dubkatz does except doesn’t leave as much and instead prefers the warm laps of other staff members. Duki is slightly scared as whipping him seems to only excite him further probably due to his perverse hentai loving nature. The next generation of staff pet. We have come to the conclusion that most Australians are like this.

Erious – Duki’s First

Duki’s first child. Appears to act like AJ however has only procured the spot of moderator for the moment due to his love of hentai. He rarely shows his face these days. This may change in the future though hopefully. Not quite staff yet for unknown reasons. But enough to be mentioned in the family tree.

IX – Encoder Fag

Southrop’s child was for some reason added to staff. We believe it could be because of his encoding knowledge however this is unknown. Southrop fell pregnant after being raped a few too many times by ghosts and as such now has to care for IX. Ashamed of his child and giving birth at such a young age, Southrop has hidden the relationship between IX and himself and called each other brothers, however staff know this is a lie.

Arc Da Rat – The Next Gen Female

Arc Da Rat was secretly promoted to staff while you guys weren’t looking for reasons unknown. Just getting settled into her position and not actively advertising it, she is the latest in female additions to the staff. Enzedder believes her to be his waifu due to her tracker title, however he probably just enjoys her lap more than the laps of other staff. A yaoi hunter she openly and actively enjoys yaoi in comparison to Arveene’s secretive and hidden ways.

We hope you enjoyed this report and find yourself knowing a little bit more about the staff secret lives. Do note that whatever you have learnt in this report is actually null and void and you will forget it in the morning.

Final Notes…

Pictures may or may not be actual photos of staff.

Many animals were harmed in the production of this report including at least 3 cats. Why? Because throwing stones at moving targets is a lot more fun.

Staff polls will be up next month possibly. If I feel enough of an urge to do it.

While trying to get Southrop to join us in making the family tree he failed to join our group draw session and instead was drawn a pretty picture by Xiong and Enzie.

Oh btw – It is NSFW.

This report was compiled by Enzedder, with assistance from Xiong Chiamiov, Arc Da Rat, dubkatz and maybe Duki.

This entry was posted in Comedy, Educational, Entertainment, Life, Staff Blog!. Bookmark the permalink.

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